Me on deciding where I want to be and where I should be.

I’ve heard and read a lot of bashing and hatred statements for me regarding our break up. I just wonder why people kept on commenting and talking about us since they really don’t know what’s the whole story. Why do you kept on judging me? Damn. I didn’t want this to happen.

I really can’t explain what I felt yesterday when we both declared everything’s over between us. Nasasaktan ako kasi mahal ko siya, naiinis ako kasi wala ng kasiguraduhan ang mga susunod na mangyayari pero naiintindihan ko kung bakit kailangan pansamantala naming tapusin kung ano man meron kami. Ako na rin naman ang nag-decide.

It’s really hard to choose between where you want to be and where you should be. I want to be with him, every second. I want him to only be mine. I want him and I together. But the right thing to do for now is to end our relationship. Hindi namin ginusto. Maybe it’s because of the influence of the people around us. And yes, most people won’t approve our relationship because of religion practices and beliefs and a lot more reasons.

On my side, some of my friends say that they don’t like us to be together. They want someone else for me. Someone who is better for me. How could that be? If Gemson is the best for me? Another thing is our church rule, that we can’t enter a relationship until we finished being a YP at the age of 23. That is according to our ministry leaders for us to serve Christ well and to focus on serving him and for us to prioritize our studies more than anything else. I was like asked to choose between serving Christ or him. That was the hardest.

Meanwhile on his side, his father is a Pastor. And one of the things that his father preaches is that,  no one who is not on the right age shall enter a relationship unless he is already financial stabled and should be with someone on the same religion. Another reason that made me not to fight for him is the idea that he is disrespecting his father because he is being disobedient to their ministry rules. Say for example, he was asked to choose over his father’s dignity and me. He is having a hard time deciding yet I made him chose his father’s side. He was also asked to temporarily end our relationship and eventually get back with me when the right time comes, he refused to but I made him do so. How will their members follow what his father preaches if he as his own son doesn’t even follow his words?-This was their point of view.

I won’t say more, but that’s the real reason why we split up. Although it hurts, we can’t do anything. I was thinking of fighting for him, but I couldn’t find strength and encouragement to do so. Why? Maybe because they’re making him choose between his family or me. I was made to choose between friends, our ministry and him. He surely wanted to fight for me but then again, I refused being fight for. I can’t take the fact that he has learned to disobey his parents for me. And the idea of me causing too much problems, pain and influence to him just won’t sank into me. He was such a fool for me like they said for he had broken so many rules for me. I was one, too. I learned to forget about my friends when they told me that they wanted someone else for me. 

I respect our ministry. I respect theirs too. I respect each sides’ beliefs that’s why I’ve let go. I don’t wanna be the reason for him to be distant away from their ministry and his family and I don’t want him to be the reason for me disrespecting our church rules.. 

To my baby.. I know how much you love me and I won’t question that. But for now, let’s sacrifice. God has a purpose why all of these things happened. Let’s take it positive. Trust HIM. I hope you know how much I love you. I love you enough to do this for your own good. Be happy. If we’re really meant to be, we’ll eventually end up together. For this time, we just have to remember: TRUE LOVE IS WORTH WAITING FOR.